I have an older brother with a disability; he was born with a chromosome disorder that causes mental retardation. My parents discovered this a few weeks before I was born.

Nathan is two and a half years older than I am. He is the older brother, but I will always be the big sister. I grew up fast. I don’t remember a time when it wasn’t me looking out for Nathan and helping him with his daily activities, chores and homework. When I wasn’t trying to help Nathan, I was teased for having “a brother like that” and defending him to the rest of the world. I wanted to do things after school as I got older, such as joining clubs and going to a friend’s house, but was usually told that it was my responsibility to watch Nathan instead. I finally convinced my parents to let me do more, but I always had to take Nathan along with me, and he got bored easily.

I always hear people complain about their siblings being annoying and them constantly fighting with each other.Nathan and I never fight, unless he just gets so frustrated with the homework or chore that I’m helping him do that he loses his cool. I missed having a ‘normal’ big brother to argue with, and even when we did disagree on something, I had the unfair advantage.

I missed the big brother that was supposed to protect his little sister. Even though I’ve gained a few “big brothers” through high school and college, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, I still feel as though I missed out on it while I was growing up. My move to college was difficult. I wanted to get out of town, but knew that I would worry about Nathan.

I worried that things would fall apart when I left him alone with my parents, and they did. I worried about what would happen and how Nathan would react when he realized that I was no longer just across the hall from him in my bedroom like I had been for more than 18 years of his life, and I worried that he still had another year of school left, and had to take on the world in which he knew nothing about without me by his side. However, I was also relieved to find freedom.

I no longer was the one that had to race his school bus for him in the afternoons, help him with his homework or rearrange my schedule for someone to be with him.

I could put myself first for once. I felt guilty for feeling that way, and it took a while, but I have finally started to realize that though I grew up playing the role for so many years, I am not his parent.

I was offered an internship in Florida for the summer and fall semesters, and after much deliberation and talking with a friend, I decided to turn it down.

One reason was because I would have had to leave no later than the day before Nathan’s high school graduation.

My mother continuously tried to convince me to leave, that she would tape the ceremonies. I told her that I had earned a place at Nathan’s graduation more than she had, and would be there one way or another.

I felt bad about what I said to my mother, but it was the truth, and she later told me that I was right. I was sitting in the third row at Nathan’s graduation cheering him on. I have since been asked if I regret my decision to turn down my internship.
I would have loved to have taken it, but I do not regret the reason I chose not to accept.

Many people have stories similar to mine, or have experienced similar situations. I would like to introduce a new group to our campus geared towards those who have experienced living with or around individuals with mental or physical handicaps. If you are interested or would like more information, please email utmsibs@yahoo.com.

Nikki Grey is a Family Consumer Science major from Jackson, Tenn.