Joe was a big, good-looking guy. All of Ashley’s friends were envious when she and Joe started going out her freshman year. He seemed so cool and self-assured. Ashley really felt swept off her feet. Joe was three years older than she, and he always seemed to know just what he wanted. Ashley had a tendency to doubt herself, and she could hardly believe that Joe really wanted to be with her.

At first, she loved the way he made decisions for both of them and seemed so protective of her. She felt pressured when he wanted the two of them to start having sex, and she didn’t think she was ready, but she couldn’t risk losing him. And Joe had a temper. Ashley was surprised and hurt the first time he yelled at her, and it scared her.

Joe blamed her for making him mad, and Ashley blamed herself, too. “If you’d just quit nagging me, I wouldn’t get so angry,” he said.

Since his friends thought he was an easygoing guy, Ashley began to believe that it was her fault that Joe got so angry.

After a while, it seemed that Ashley was always wrong. Joe’s comments turned ugly: “You’re so stupid you don’t even know what you are saying.” He’d get mad if she even talked to another guy. He kept tabs on her whereabouts, calling her at all hours on her cell phone and questioning her about what she was doing or who she was with. He told her she was getting fat and no other guy would want her. He made fun of her. Ashley cried a lot, but whenever she got close to wanting to break up, Joe would turn around and start being the sweet, loving boyfriend she wanted him to be.

During one of their arguments, Ashley was upset and turned to leave the room. Joe grabbed her and shook her. She pulled away, and he pushed her so hard she fell to the ground. She was terrified by the look in his eyes. The next day he showed up with a bunch of flowers and an apology. He told her that it was just that he loved her so much, she made him crazy. Ashley told herself he didn’t really mean it.

During the next few months, things got worse. Joe hit Ashley several times. Once, when he had a few beers in him, he just kept hitting and hitting and wouldn’t stop. Ashley wore heavy makeup and long-sleeved shirts a lot. One of her friends tried to talk to her about what was going on, but Ashley made excuses: “I fell down the stairs.” “I walked into a door – I’m so clumsy.”

The people in this story are not real, but the situation is. This story will be continued next week.

Related Article: Part II of 'Love is Not Abuse'

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. For more information about relationship abuse, check out this Web site: www.loveisnotabuse.com.