In Part 1, we found out about Ashley, a student who is dating Joe. Joe originally seemed charming and self-assured, but Ashley began to find out that he was very controlling. Their arguments gradually escalated into physical violence by Joe, but he convinced Ashley that she was at fault and that she was basically worthless.

Related Article: Part I of 'Love is Not Abuse'

At first, Ashley’s friends had a hard time figuring out what was going on with her and Joe. Her friend Tiffany thought Ashley must be sick, because she always seemed exhausted and never wanted to do anything any more. When Tiffany would ask Ashley what was wrong, Ashley always smiled and said, “I’m just fine.”

One day Tiffany was visiting Ashley’s dorm room and she went into the bathroom. She realized she didn’t have her brush with her, so she came right back out to ask if she could use Ashley’s brush, and she unexpectedly caught Ashley changing her blouse.

Tiffany was shocked by the vivid purple bruises on Ashley’s arm, bruises that looked like they came from someone grabbing her arm hard. She blurted out, “Who did that to you?” Ashley just looked away.

All of a sudden, Tiffany knew. She understood why Ashley was always wearing long-sleeved shirts and why she stayed away from her friends so much. She realized that Ashley wasn’t joking when she said things like, “I’m so stupid, I don’t know why you want to be my friend.”

Joe – good-looking, charming Joe – was abusing Ashley.

Tiffany didn’t know what to say. She was angry at Joe, but she was angry at Ashley, too, for putting up with abuse.

She said to Ashley, “Why do you let him do that to you?” Ashley said, “He doesn’t mean it. He just has a bad temper. He’s really sweet most of the time.”

Tiffany tried to convince Ashley to break up with Joe, but Ashley was clearly not going to do that.

The next day, Tiffany was walking with a friend who had to pick up something at the Counseling and Career Services office in the University Center.

She noticed that the bulletin board outside the office was full of information about domestic and dating violence.

As she waited for her friend, she read through the information. Finally, she went in and said, “I have a friend I’m worried about. Can I make an appointment to see a counselor?”

Tiffany spoke to a counselor a couple of days later. She learned some more about dating violence – that it is, unfortunately, very common, and that it is often hard for people to get themselves out of the situation because of fear, shame, confusion and a lack of self-confidence.

She was shocked when the counselor told her that before they even graduated from high school, one in five girls experiences physical or sexual violence by a dating partner.

The counselor gave Tiffany some brochures and other information, and told her that Ashley could come in for free, confidential counseling if she were willing to do so. Tiffany also learned that the Outback Program in the community offers free assistance to women affected by partner violence, including support groups and court advocacy.

She found out that the UTM Department of Public Safety would work with Ashley to ensure her safety on campus.

The counselor urged Tiffany not to argue with Ashley, but just to give her information and support. Tiffany decided that if Joe hurt Ashley when she was around, she would call Public Safety herself. She would also share the information she had received with Ashley’s other friends.

Tiffany was still worried about Ashley, but she felt better equipped to help her, and she knew she could talk to the counselor again if she had more questions.

She decided to read the brochures, look at the Web site www.LoveIsNotAbuse.com, and at the resources under “Intimate Partner Violence” on the Counseling Center Web site. The more she knew, she decided, the better chance that she could help Ashley before something even more terrible happened.

If you are worried about a friend who is in a violent dating relationship, call Counseling and Career Services at 881-7720 or the Department of Public Safety at 881-7777.