Lately, the most common reply to the question, “How are you?” is “I am totally stressed out!”

Papers, exams, group projects, respiratory illnesses, financial worries, holiday plans, lots of rain, boyfriend or girlfriend troubles, problems at home, no flu shots, more rain… The list goes on and on.

When we get stressed, we often forget to take care of ourselves. We skimp on sleep, we eat on the run and eat more junk food, we cut out exercise and as for a few moments of quiet time to contemplate – forget it!

Unfortunately, these self-care measures are the very things that allow us to cope with stress.

Eating healthfully, sleeping a reasonable amount and making sure to exercise helps our bodies to de-stress. Since our bodies and our minds are so closely connected, physical self-care helps us to relax and cope.

The other set of coping skills that helps us to get through stressful times consists of our attitude, our approach and our self-talk.

When we remember that much of the world’s population wakes up each day wondering if there will be food to eat or a safe place to sleep at night, it can help to put our problems into perspective. If your roommate used the last of your shampoo, that is annoying but it certainly isn’t life-threatening.

Maintaining a sense of perspective and proportion is a major stress-management skill.

Our approach to problem-solving also affects our stress level. If you tend to avoid problems or become very passive in the face of conflict, your stress will soar.

If you think you must be perfect and adopt an all-or-nothing approach to difficulties, you will also suffer. Those who roll with the punches most effectively are the people who look clearly at the problems they face and set small, realistic goals to chip away at them.

These people acknowledge their need for help when appropriate, and they don’t feel diminished by asking someone else for assistance.

On the other hand, they take their own responsibilities seriously.

For example, if someone with good coping skills is struggling in a class, he or she may ask a friend for tutoring or go to visit the professor during office hours. This person does not expect the friend or the professor to do the work for him or her, and he or she has already prepared and tried as hard as possible before seeking help.

What we say to ourselves also affects our stress level.
If you are facing a tough situation, and you tell yourself “I can’t handle this!” you are less likely to have a good outcome than if you can say to yourself, “This is a big pain in the rear, but I’ll get through it.”

Whether your internal dialogue is positive or negative is a good indicator of your mental health and your coping skills.

In counseling, people learn to revise their negative self-talk and its consequent damage to their self-esteem and to begin to appraise situations realistically but positively.

I firmly believe that the most effective stress-management skill - right up there with physical self-care, a positive attitude, a problem-solving approach, and uplifting self talk – is a sense of humor. If you can laugh at life’s quandaries, you can make it through.
— If you or a friend are having trouble coping with stress, please call Counseling and Career Services at 881-7720 or or visit them at 213 UC.